


Stuff You Only Talk About With Your Best Friend

by hTeDruknenPotaT



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Best Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hance - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, This Is STUPID, hanceome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 08:51:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10433991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hTeDruknenPotaT/pseuds/hTeDruknenPotaT
Summary: Hunk can trust Lance, it's not weird or anything to discuss these things, they can get personal...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based completely off conversations I've had with my best friend. Idk if anyone else has this. Well, except for the end.

Hunk knocked decisively on Lance’s door.  Five quick, loud knocks.  “You done yet, buddy?”

“Done what?” Lance’s voice called back.

It didn’t sound particularly strained, so Hunk figured it was safe to let Lance’s door slide open.  Still, he crept inside carefully, his eyes avoiding Lance’s bed.  “Whatcha… uhh… whatcha doin’.”

“Eh, nothing.  Hunk, what’s with you.”

Hunk finally allowed himself to look directly at Lance, who was actually just lying on his bed, his hands underneath his pillow, nowhere near his pants.  “Just uhh… I mean, this is like, the first time I’ve came into your room and you _weren’t_ jacking off.  Just wanted to make sure.  You know.”

“Hunk, my good bud.  We’re friends.  You know I’ve beat the old meat all the time in the room with you back at the garrison.”

“Oh god, thanks for telling me.  I literally did not need to know.”

“You tellin’ me you never did that?”  Lance sat up, moved over, and tapped the space next to him.  “Dude, what’d you do to let off steam?”

Hunk looked at the empty space and hesitantly lowered himself onto Lance’s bed.  He stared hard at his knees.  “I dunno, did it in the bathroom?”  He felt the heat rise to his face.  “It seemed… kinda rude?  With you right there?”  He finally turned around, meeting Lance’s eyes.  “How’d you _manage_ it?”

Lance smirked.  “Like a ninja,” he breathed.

Hunk snorted.  “Nice.  Gotta admire your stealth.  Even though.  That’s super weird.  Now I’m gonna be self-conscious if I’m ever sleeping in a room with you again.”

“Gets kinda lonely without you.  I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah.”  Hunk sighed.  “Miss ya too.”

“Knowing you were right there, really... _helped,_ y’know?”  Lance waggled his eyebrows.  “Sometimes I’d watch you from across the room—”

“Gross.”

“Just kidding.  You know I’d never do that to you.”

“No, I _don’t_ know.”

“When _do_ you baste the ham?” Lance asked.  “I mean, I never caught you at it, guess it’s easier now we’re rooming separate…”

“Oh yeah, it’s great, bein’ called to a mission while you’re in the middle of adjusting the antenna and tryna hide your awkward boner in your space suit…  Hasn’t that ever happened to you?”

“Me?  Pshhh, I’m the master of stealth.”

“Teach me your ways.  Y’know, I thought there was nothing worse than having your mom walk in on you masturbating till I learned about what it’s like to save the universe with an awkward boner.  Actually, honestly, I don’t know which was worse.  Well, at least my mom understood, I don’t know if Allura would…  Lance, you think Alteans ever…”

“Sometimes,” Lance muttered, looking around the room sneakily, “that thought’s what I butter my corn to sometimes.”

“Eww!  Yo, I’m telling Allura!”

“Don’t you dare!  ‘Sides, how’d you know it wasn’t _Coran the gorgeous man_ I was talking about?”

“Understandable.”

Lance laughed.  Hunk laughed with him, next thing they knew, they were doubled over across each other and cackling.  “Man, I’ve missed hanging out with you more,” Lance said.  “Let’s grab lunch on the next planet that has food.”

“I’ve missed food,” Hunk sighed.

“Least you’ve got your meat to keep you company.”

“Yeah… always got my meat.  Lance, just as a totally statistical question, not askin’ cause it’s you but… I just wanna know… for me…  How many times a day do you beat your bologna?  What’s like, normal?”

“Why didn’t you find this stuff out back when you had internet?”

“I was always… uhh… scared my mom would check my internet history.”

Hunk turned very, very red.  Somehow admitting he was scared of his mom was more embarrassing than talking about his masturbatory habits.  “I ‘unno,” Lance shrugged.  “Depends on what kinda day I’m having.  The question is how _long_ I spend.”

“Oh god.”

“You wanna know the longest I’ve gone?”

“I don’t think so.”

_“Five hours.”_

Hunk frowned.  “Five hours.  What the hell.  How’s that even possible.”

“Well, it was kind of a slow day, I was feelin’ sexually frustrated, but nothin’ was really doing it for me.  I was so sore.  Don’t ask about the cramps, I know you’re thinking about that, yeah, I was sore for like, two days after that.”

“Stroking the _lance,_ huh.”

It was Hunk’s turn to smirk.  “Okay,” Lance scoffed, “since you’re here with me, I can hit you this time.”  Lance punched Hunk’s arm.  Hunk laughed.  “What about you,” Lance asked.  “I mean, what’s normal for you, since we’re on the subject…”

“Before the garrison…”  Hunk looked at his lap and muttered, “I could do… five… six times a day sometimes?  I mean, not usually, just, I was a growing boy, y’know?  Still am but now at least I know what I’m doing—Anyway I can’t imagine going on for… that long.”

“Doesn’t take much to make you come, huh?”

“Uhh, no that’s not it.  I’m just.  Afraid of getting carpal tunnel syndrome.  I _need_ my hands, y’know?”  Hunk looked down at his ham-sized hands and thought about all the things he did with them—cook, build, tinker, his dick wasn’t worth it.  “Sometimes, when I feel my hand startin’ to cramp up I just, get up and take a nice cold shower.”

“That is some remarkable self-control you got.”

“Heh, thanks.”  Hunk looked back at Lance.  “So, _five hours,_ what d’you normally peel the banana to?”

“Tits.”

Hunk blinked.  “That’s all?  Just… tits… that’s enough to get you going?”

“Yeah.”  Lance shrugged again.  “The bigger the better.”

“Even like… really saggy tits?  Let’s say, we’ve got a pair of tits that reach the floor, like, they reach down to here—”  Hunk gestured towards his knees.  “But they’re like, a pair of deflated balloons—”

“Sure,” said Lance.  “Tits are tits.  I mean, you don’t get off to tits?”

“I dunno…”  Hunk felt himself turn even redder.  “I don’t really know… _what_ I get off to.  Like, I get horny, but it’s just like… disembodied horniness, like, I tried porn and just found it… kinda gross…  D’you know what I mean?”

“Nope,” said Lance simply.

“I get off to um… really vanilla thoughts like… like maybe… kissing someone?  Being kissed?  All gentle, like… aw man, I don’t know how to explain it.”

Lance snorted.  “That’s adorable.”

“Don’t make fun of me, okay?  Y’know, you’re the only one I can talk about this stuff with.”

“Same for me, I guess.  Just ‘cause last time I tried talking to Keith about it he hit me and ran away.”

“Coward.”

“We both know Keith just acts the way he does ‘cause he’s sexually frustrated.  What do you think he polishes the rocket to anyway?  Someone like Keith, it’s hard to imagine.”

“I don’t _want_ to imagine.”

Lance raised his eyebrows.  Hunk felt a laugh escape him.  “Been a long time since we just… talked about filthy stuff,” Lance said.

“Yeah…”

“Can I move into your room?”

“Get lonely, huh.”

Lance, for the first time, did not look smug.  “Guess I’m not used to being alone…  I mean, you wouldn’t mind, would ya?  Now that you know?”

“That you’re always jacking off even when I’m looking?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.  Uhh, maybe?  I don’t see why not?”

“I meant it, I miss you.”  Lance leaned closer.

“I miss you too.  I double mean it.”  Hunk imitated Lance’s movement, leaning so their faces were nearly touching.

“I missed you so much…”

“Okay, you win, I’m probably gonna burst out laughing first.”

Lance’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile.  “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” Hunk replied breathily.

They both moved simultaneously, their arms were around each other, their mouths smashed against each other’s lips.  They made loud exaggerated kissing noises, Lance moved his head back and forth like he’d seen in the movies, Hunk puckered his lips and made a sound like a toilet plunger.

When the joke was over, they finally pulled apart, laughing too hard to keep it up.  Hunk dropped his arms slightly, but Lance kept his around Hunk’s shoulders.  “Wow,” he laughed.

“That… just happened,” said Hunk.  “We just made out.”

“Yeah, we did!”  Lance paused.  “Wanna do it again?”

“Heck yeah.”

Lance and Hunk dived back in, and this time, they kept it a little less noisy.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, this was the stupidest fic I've ever written.


End file.
